


While I Wasn't Looking

by Northern_Star



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: First Kiss, M/M, Oklahoma City Barons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-27
Updated: 2012-12-27
Packaged: 2017-11-22 14:05:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/610616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Northern_Star/pseuds/Northern_Star
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Justin doesn't like to see Ryan sad...</p>
            </blockquote>





	While I Wasn't Looking

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



Justin watched, as Ryan said one last goodbye to his friends and closed the door behind them, sighing. They'd had Jordan and Taylor over for pizza, beer and video games, as a sort of "Welcome to OKC" party for Hallsy who'd finally gotten the green light to join the Barons.

While Ryan had originally agreed to the idea of hosting this little get-together, it had been clear from the start of the evening that something was bothering him. There had been moments when Justin had thought Ryan might even be a little depressed, though he couldn't really figure out why. 

However now... seeing their teammates leave together, and early at that; seeing the way they _looked_ at each other, like there was no one else in the universe somehow; seeing the expression of relief on Ryan's face, now that Hallsy and Ebs had left... Things were slowly starting to make a whole lot of sense to Justin, and he was kicking himself for not putting two and two together before.

Since the start of the season, Ryan had been spending a lot of his free time hanging out with Ebs. Justin had simply chalked it up to the fact they were already good buddies and probably having a bit of a tough time adjusting to being in OKC after spending all last season in the big league. But clearly there was a lot more to it. Except that now Hallsy was here, and Ryan had faded back into the background, forgotten by Ebs.

It was no wonder Ryan had been so unhappy all evening, really. Justin could easily relate; he too knew a few things about unrequited love and its accompanying feelings of invisibility. And now he wished he hadn't been the one to suggest they throw this party, because the last thing he wanted was to make Ryan unhappy.

"Hey, uh, Ryan?" he said, taking a deep breath, owning up to his mistakes, "Look, I'm sorry if tonight was awkward for you. I didn't realize before... You should have said something, you know. I would have understood."

"Huh? What?" Ryan replied, frowning. "Awkward? What are you talking about?"

"Well, clearly they're into one another," Justin explained. 

"No kidding," Ryan chuckled.

"Right. Well, I didn't mean for you to spend the evening feeling like a third wheel. That was...it was inconsiderate."

Ryan frowned again. "Okay, there you go not making any sense again. What the heck are you talking about?"

"You know, it's okay if you want to tell me about it, I can keep a secret," Justin told him. But when Ryan just stared at him like he didn't quite understand, Justin explained, "I can see you have a thing for Ebs, and I know how it feels to—"

"Wait, what? I don't have a thing for Ebs," said Ryan, looking completely befuddled. 

"You don't?"

"No, of course not. What could possibly make you think I do?"

"But—" Justin blinked at Ryan, feeling just as confused as his roommate looked to be. "You've been hanging out with him non-stop since the season began. You looked like you were close enough to be his shadow. I thought—?"

"Well sure, _someone_ had to cheer him up a little until Hallsy got here," Ryan explained. "They've barely spent more than a few days apart since they moved in together two seasons ago, and trust me, Ebs missing Hallsy is not a good thing. He's completely useless when he's mopey."

"Wait, you mean, they've been together for a while already? I thought—? It looked like it was a brand new thing... Like they've just now fallen in love, even."

"Yeah, I know," Ryan sighed. "They always look like that. It's kind of sickening, really." He chuckled humorlessly.

"I don't understand," Justin said, shaking his head, trying to connect the dots so his two and two might add up to four again, but failing completely. "Is something else wrong, then?"

"Wrong? What, you mean with _me_?" Ryan asked, surprised. "Not that I know of..."

"Well, then, I guess I don't know you as well as I thought I did," said Justin, then he chuckled, because no, he really didn't know a whole lot about Ryan. He hadn't had much opportunity to get to know him well — they may have been roommates, but Ryan had been hanging out with Ebs like they were joined at the hip. "You just looked sad, that's all. And then when they left, you smiled again, and I guess I just figured you felt better now that they were gone."

"Oh..." Ryan said, head bowed down a little. "That obvious, huh?" he added, looking embarrassed.

"Okay, so I _didn't_ imagine that." When Ryan simply shrugged in response, Justin went on, "You know, if you need someone to talk to, I'm here. I mean, we're not that close — yet, anyway — but I'd be a pretty sucky roommate if I wasn't at least there for you when you needed someone."

Ryan gave him an apologetic smile. "Actually, if anyone's a sucky roommate, that would be me," he said. "I should have made more of an effort to get to know you, being as we live together."

"It's okay," Justin replied with a shrug, stopping just short of adding that he was used to feeling a little invisible. Somehow, guys he liked never really seemed to notice him much. But since this wasn't about him anyway, why go and babble about this stuff?

"No, it's not," Ryan insisted. "You're a good guy, and I've been making it look like I'm avoiding you or something when I really wasn't. Hopefully, now that the crisis-" he made air-quotes around the word "-is averted, we can hang out together more. I think we could be pretty good friends..."

"Well, I think we kind of already are," said Justin with a lopsided smile. Or at least, in his mind they were... Of course, in his mind he wished they could be more a lot more than just friends.

"Better friends, then."

Justin's cheeks turned a brighter shade of pink. "I'd like that," he said, feeling both hopeful, and a little embarrassed, like maybe Ryan had suddenly read his thoughts.

They started picking up empty beer bottles and pizza boxes, tidying up their apartment somewhat. 

"You know," Justin began saying, as they both stood in the kitchen again, "if it makes you feel uncomfortable being around them, we don't have to invite them over again..."

"Mmm? Oh." Ryan shrugged. "It's not them, really. I mean, kind of, but..." He waved a dismissive hand. "Never mind. It's really kind of dumb."

"Well no, it's not _dumb_ if it makes you sad..."

"I'm not sad. More like... I dunno, envious, I suppose?" Ryan explained, looking uneasy, like he wasn't sure why he was admitting to any of this. "You know how I said it's kind of sickening how in love they are? I just—" He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, then after a moment, finally said, in a voice so soft it was barely more than a whisper, "I wish I had that, too."

Justin stared a moment, stunned to silence. "You could, you know," he eventually said in a soothing tone he hoped didn't betray just how desperately hopeful he really was.

"Well yeah, I'm sure I could, but..." Ryan shrugged again. "That implies meeting someone, and it's just so much more complicated now, you know? Maybe not out here, mind you, but then again the only people I've been hanging out with here are the guys on the team. Not that I really have time for socializing much, outside of games and practice, and travel. I'm not even legal down here at all, so—"

"Nuge?" Justin heard himself cut in, suddenly and unusually bold. "Look, Ryan..." he began again, smiling awkwardly as he forced himself to use his roommate's proper name, "I don't really know what you're looking for, and I realize this is probably a long shot at best, but... What I'm trying to say is, I'm here, you know? And... Well, I'm interested."

Ryan blinked at him, his mouth hanging slightly open. "You are?" he asked, slowly, like he was just beginning to make the connections in his mind. 

"Well, yeah..." Justin felt awkward, exposed and observed, heart hammering in his chest as he held on to what tiny shred of hope he could that he wouldn't be turned down for once.

"Wow, the things I missed while I was busy trying to keep Ebs happy," Ryan said, laughing in a self-deprecating way.

"I wasn't necessarily being very obvious about it..."

"But I really should have been paying more attention." Ryan smiled, then nervously asked, "It's not... _too_ late, though, is it?"

"Nah," said Justin, a teasing smile hiding his own nervousness, "it's not late at all, barely eleven."

Ryan snorted. "You're a dork."

"Yeah, sorry," Justin replied, head bowed down, heat rising on his cheeks. 

"No, don't be... I kind of like that, actually."

Justin mouthed an "Oh," then he smiled, biting his lower lip. Ryan had moved in to within inches of where he stood; Justin leaned in a little closer still. "I don't like seeing you sad," he whispered softly.

"I'm not sad," Ryan replied with a small shake of the head. "Not right now."

"That's good. I'm glad you're not. Because it's really a—"

"Has anyone ever told you that you talk too much?" Ryan chuckled.

"Oh... Yeah, I, uh..." Justin mumbled, cheeks turning a even brighter shade of crimson. "I do that when I'm nervous. I'm sorry."

"Justin?"

"Yeah?"

"Shut up, will ya?" Ryan told him with a smile. "Because if you don't, then I can't do this..." he added, closing the distance between them until their lips touched.

Justin inhaled sharply as their mouths met, letting out a breathy little moan at the feel of Ryan's tongue against his lips, but he didn't say a thing, preferring — oh, so much — to let Ryan kiss him instead.

 

> End.


End file.
